I think this is my last four- month holiday, cos after graduate, no long holiday until i retire.

that's the present for the student's period. n that's the special time for everybody. I am sure, someone got something from this last summer.

 

I have had a lot, everything, old classmates, frds from childhood, family, mature frds I mean really sweet, as an older sister to be with me, to support me and also to share the true feeling of life with me. Thanks god  for letting me know there always someones, who are not always live for me, but who could be happy if I am alive! 

 

got a trip to europe with family is so amazing and unforgetable. learn a lot from my dad, have really good time with them. we walk under 40 to 50 degrees for 10hr everyday! therefore everbody lose pounds! that is a challenge for all of us to go around by our own, we rent a car to drive around italy, but alwasy losing the way; i pay a lot for meals, but only salad and sandwichs; we speak english, but they dunt; we always get  to the airport early, but there was always something dragging out legs...still we got a lot from it! we saw a lot of great pictures through our eyes; we taste the life of european through our bodies; we got a huge shopping cart with our money; we shared important moment with our most important ones. that's really incomparable memories for my family. and that is so unique, precious!

 

after back from both van and europe, nightmare begin...

 

clubbing too much, drinking too much, car accident, call policemen twice by fighting, begin smoking, i feel i just past from 12 to 20 years old from this four months. that sounds crazy. that is only reason for the life i experienced, which is i wanna feel pain.

 

As a human being, sometimes nerve system do not always funtions properly. the most strange part is the heart: easy or hard to break without any process! hah~~sounds i already got mental aberration. But, tell the truth, this four month I feel pain, not from any above, is from "F".

 

Dunt try to guess out what is F, it is easy but mean nothing of u. the most one which can beat me down is F, not a person, not a thing. it is my baseline. that is where i can move back after I lose everything, and where i can go for with all my best try. Now, it is getting far away from me. hurt me, make me cry times and times, to the worse it does not stop it, and everything become difficult to understand. 

 

now i am alone, with all fear and sadness, feeling nothing. start to do anything which can stop pain (more pain makes less pain painless!). failed. then i lose feeling. okay, i dunt mind, anything. sounds not good? but true.